Living a Dream

The past few weeks can best be described as an emotional rollercoaster filled with all kinds of ups and downs, flips, turns, and barrel roles.  It all began with my final days in Armenia.  Leaving my host family and the comfort that I had grown to know was something that I had been dreading since my site visit.  I was going to miss nightly Uno games, movie nights, and American Sunday dinners.  I was going to miss talking with the kids and hanging out with the other volunteers every day at the school.  I was going to miss the Q’eqchi crew and the West side.  I was especially going to miss the family that had taken in a complete stranger and been more than accommodating, making my safety, comfort, and peace of mind a top priority.

The roller coaster’s first move was down.  I’m not talking a baby drop, but that initial drop that every roller coaster has when you stomach’s in your mouth and you’re screaming as loud as you can but noise is coming out.  That kind of drop.

Well the days came and went, as they usually do when you don’t want them to, and before I knew it, Dan, Molly, and I were waiting to hear the sound of the bus over the pouring rain, soaking in every last minute with our families.  When the bus pulled up to our street, my host mom stopped what she was saying mid-sentence.  I looked up, not knowing what had happened, and there she was sobbing, I’m talking a shoulder shaking sob, just at the sight of the bus.  It took all I had not to break down when I was trying to comfort her, telling her that we’d keep in touch and that I would come visit as soon as I had the chance.  Other than glazed eyes and a shaking voice, I think I did well.  The good byes to the kids and Martin were hard, too, but after saying bye to Victoria, nothing was going to be as tough.

But then came the upside.  For the entire week between training and going off for permanent site, I was going to be with the 17 other people that I had grown closest to.  It was awesome to get to hang out with everyone again outside of the classroom.  On our last night in Belmopan, we all hung out and celebrated the early birthdays of two of the volunteers.  It was the perfect way to spend the last night together.

Then the following day, Friday, the day of swearing in, the barrel rolls began.  At any given moment I was feeling both happy and sad.  On the one hand, I was going to be leaving everything that I had grown accustomed to: the people, the lifestyle, the structure of PST.  I was faced with the realization that I would be isolated for the next few months, which is a scary thought.  On the other hand, this was the day that I had been looking forward to for the past four years.  It was literally a dream come true, and I feel like lots of people live there lives without ever seeing that happen.  Sitting on stage with the certificate in my hand that said "Daniel Grant - Peace Corps Volunteer" was almost unreal. On top of that, the ceremony was amazing! The speakers all did a great job! Like I told some people here and in the states, I cried through the whole 45 minute ceremony but only ugly cried for five of the minutes, and that was only after my friend DH finished his Q'eqchi thank you and then went KD on us, giving each of us an individual shout out.  That ceremony and the emotions that came with it is something that I'll always remember.

After this ceremony, we were all off to our individual sites.  The good byes were difficult and teary eyed, but you could also sense that everyone was extremely excited for what the future had in store. It reminded me of what I had read in The Alchemist (and actually reread as soon as I got to site).  The quote relates to having fear in your heart and pursuing your dreams:

"Tell you hear that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself.  And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."

"Every second of the search is an encounter with God," the boy told his heart.  "When I have been truly searching for my treasure, every day has been luminous, because I've known that every hour was a part of the dream that I would find it.  When I have been truly searching for my treasure, I've discovered things along the way that I never would have seen had I not had the courage to try things that seemed impossible..."

This is something that I really liked and could really relate to.  I may not be sure of the treasure that I'm searching for but I know that I'm living my dream, and every second that I'm following my dream, regardless of how bumpy the road may be, I will be happy.